One year ago I began a new and scary journey as I faced the effect college life was about to have on me.
Not because I was going to college, but because my first born…my baby girl…my Samara was leaving our home and venturing out on her own.
For her, the past year has been filled with new friends, new experiences, new adventures, travel and a fuller appreciation for learning. She has had her ups and downs, but more than anything she has gained confidence and a new sense of independence from her earthly home and dependence on her Heavenly Father.
For me the past year has been filled with a pulling away from friends, introspection, quiet time at home and a renewed thirst for knowledge and wisdom. As in the past, I sought the mending of my woundedness by immersing myself in the soothing balm of God’s word.
I spent eighteen plus years – broken up into tiny little MOMents, experienced in thousands of days – pouring myself into the life of my girl. The sweet giggles, the reflective thoughts, the soft caresses, the big brown eyes, the silky brown hair, the quiet confidence revealed more and more with each passing year. Oh, how she has always brought me joy upon joy. These months have been a journey to learn a new way to embrace the beauty of each new day…when such an integral part of it was absent.
I have several friends who just sat through graduations…I pray for them, as I know what they are soon to face.
For me it was walking past a bedroom, filled with traces of the “her” that was no longer present – the antique maple bed, piled high with pillows and uncuddled stuffed horses. There were so many nights through the years where I plopped down on that bed and listened to life shared by a little girl, a teenager and a future college student. I sift through the memories of books read together, make believe stories told together, life shared together and dreams dreamed together.
I take comfort in remembering…reflecting on these mother daughter memories are a whisper of the future. A future well prepared for and long prayed for, in the life of this amazing young woman who has embarked on her own journey.
The mom heart will forever embrace her child, whether cuddled close or held there in memories.
I am filled with gratitude in knowing that her Heavenly Father guides her steps and that He loves her more than I do.